Dealing With Relationship Comparison #WeAllStruggle

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Our “We Have It All Together” picture (lol) just a day before this photo was taken we found out we would have to push our wedding back again #WeAllStruggle

Do they have it all together? The answer pure and simple is no.

No, they (and we) don’t have it all together. Sometimes I find myself looking at other people’s relationships, marriages, engagements, and I think…wow. They must have everything “all together.” They have a beautiful picture of the two of them on Facebook, and they always look happy. That must mean they got it…right? I caught myself thinking this the other day while on social media… In the world of Instagram and Facebook it’s hard NOT to compare your relationship to others.

But Fam, I have to remind myself that those are snapshots. In reality,  those are just the moments we want people to see. We live in a fallen world, and we are fallen people. Wherever you have people, there will always be imperfection.

Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s. The two of you are unique, and operate differently than any other couple on this earth. Yes, noticing what other couples do can give you ideas for developing your relationship, but what they do is not a full-proof plan for your relationship, because your relationship is unlike anyone else’s in the world! Think about that. You and your partner are treading new ground together, and you will learn what works for your relationship together.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying wise counsel isn’t good. We have received plenty of Godly wisdom that we have implemented that has helped us. You should listen to wise counsel and even try their advice out and see if it works for you as a couple. But you don’t have to force it.

If waiting until your wedding day to kiss doesn’t work for the dynamics of your relationship, and you realize it doesn’t actually cause impure thoughts, then it doesn’t have to be set in stone (do I hear some mental chains falling off lol). You don’t have to do things just like someone else did them to have a joy filled and God-honoring relationship. You just need to do what works for the both of you and of course those things that are glorifying to God.

Comparison produces jealousy, jealousy gives way to striving, and striving breeds dissatisfaction, because life will never be as perfect as we strive for it to be.

I’m just writing to remind you of what you already know, nobody’s perfect. And no relationship is perfect. Every couple disagrees and has conflict, Evans and I have had seasons where we have disagreed multiple times a week. But as you get to know your partner you will realize what bothers them and how to best address disagreements in your relationship. Can I end with a story my sister shared with me?

“I met a couple who were in their 60’s or 70’s, they had been married more than 40 years. When I asked them what the secret to success was, they said that the more you invest in the relationship, especially at the beginning, the better and better it will become with time. Jeanette, I didn’t understand then, but now after being married a few years, I realize that it does get better. We hardly argue now, because we spend the time investing in each other and in the marriage.”

Remember that no relationship is perfect, but if you invest in learning about marriage, loving your partner better each day, and keeping God at the center, you’ll be close to having “it all together” or at least you’ll be going in the right direction lol!

#GoingInTheRightDirection #WeAllStruggle

I love you! And God loves you so much more!

– Jeanette

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