I hope this helps someone to know that they are not alone, and your worries and doubts about dating are totally normal.
“Sometimes when Evans doesn’t seem excited about me I become discouraged. I start to foolishly think, “What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?” Or “What if our relationship gets stale and boring?” What happens after two years of marriage and a child? Will I still be crazy in love? Will he still be crazy in love? Will I still make him smile? Will he still make me laugh? These unanswerable questions freak me out a little. I don’t want him to become comfortable with me and take me for granted.
In this stage of our relationship we are always hungry to talk with each other and text each other, and see each other on Skype, but what about when we are actually around one another? What then? I guess that is why we have to be dependent upon Christ for our true satisfaction, because this feeling of love will wear off, the excitement will wear away.
I have to pray to God and continue to ask that He (Jesus) would be at the center of our relationship. Although I know I am mature in many ways I sometimes still become nervous and anxious when I think about marrying Evans. It’s like I don’t want to wait because I love him and I want to be with him, but I actually do want to wait because I feel like my life is moving in overtime, this is moving too slow and too fast all at the same time, and that kinda’ freaks me out. I know that this is God’s will, but that does not stop me from becoming worried and afraid sometimes. In those moments I try to remember Deuteronomy 31:8, “For the Lord your God goes before you and he is with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged,” and then I read Psalms 27.
Sometimes I feel ill equipped and ill prepared to be in this relationship…or to minister to anyone as a “future pastor’s wife.” I say God you want me to do what? But, I know that God has presented this man to me for a reason. God has given me the desire to marry for a reason, and the work that God has begun in me, I know he will finish.” (May 2014 Journal)