#winning…but are you actually?

I thought I knew how to love. But I’m only beginning to learn. Sometimes, I have to ask myself am I #winning OR #loving?

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Tonight we had one of those tough conversations…you know, the ones where you wish you could teleport yourself away (but really). Tough convos are NOT ALWAYS bad, but they usually dig up what’s actually in your heart (the good, bad, or just plain ugly). You could be discussing  something as silly as…whether “the toilet room” is called a washroom or a bathroom (CROSS-CULTURE PROBLEMS!), but the way you handle these conversations (i.e. Disagreements) shows a lot about who you are.

Ask yourself…Do I argue to win? To prove a point? OR … Am I explaining my belief, position, worldview, etc. to someone that I LOVE so that we can have greater understanding? DING DING DING! The second option SHOULD BE our intent (I said “should be” because Lord knows this is hard for me!). while you’re discussing washrooms VS. bathrooms things may get heated (lol don’t judge us). AND THAT IS WHERE YOU ASK YOURSELF…WHY? Why are we arguing? And is it worth hurting or injuring the trust (and feelings) of my best friend?

Hard discussions in a relationship can be like someone shining a flashlight into the hidden places of your soul (I know I’m getting all metaphorical but stay with me lol). The insecurities, and hurts you’ve experienced often come out when arguing with your partner (whether indirectly or directly). For example, why do some people seem more defensive than others when arguing (maybe because they feel the need to prove themselves which may point to a lack of confidence) or why do some people run away from difficult conversations (maybe because of a fear of confrontation which stems from an overzealous desire to  please people). Sorry for the brief   psycho-analysis, Yall didnt know I had those skills!  (Lol actually I don’t, I’m not a trained profesional… I’m just someone who likes to write lol).

But yeah, when you trust your soulmate with everything…you can also trust them to take care of the broken parts of you, to see the insecurities, and to still love you when it’s done. You should trust them to love you well even during (and after) a heated debate.

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You (yes you) have the unique opportunity to extend forgiveness to your partner, and be a keeper of their heart. So next time you’re arguing about what the “room with a toilet is called,” ask yourself… why??? Lol but really. And make sure you LOVE your partner even while your having your heated debate. Sometimes…the goal is not to win, it’s to love, and then you’ll really be #winning.

Love you all much! And God loves you so much more!!

– Jeanette

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